No rest for the wicked pregnant

If I thought the time during the Ottawa Fringe was a blur, the time elapsed since then has been on complete fast forward. Our Fringe house guests left within four days of the festival ending, making the house feel quite empty. They were all absolutely lovely to have around and I miss them loads. It really made me miss the idea of touring as well. While, for some, their biggest preoccupation is making sure their posters get printed on time, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to feed three people on one salary, driving to numerous DRs appointments (more on that in a second) and finding the energy to clean the house and prep for the start of my new 20-year-long (most probably renewable) contract.

My amazing friends Danielle and Craig hosted our BBQ baby shower, which was fantastic. The food, the people, the presents... it was a good day. The day after the shower, Stewart wasn't feeling well, complaining of dizziness and spontaneous falling down. He wasn't blacking out or anything like that, but it still seemed odd to us. He went to a walk-in clinic on the Monday and the DR said he thought he had a virus. Luckily, he had the following three days off, most of which we spent at my parents. They wanted to treat us because of our 1st/2nd year anniversary (celebrating the city hall wedding... the 2nd/2nd year anniversary is in September, celebrating the major ceremony at Academic Hall). So, for our anniversary, Stewart went golfing with my Dad and I got a pedicure... romantic huh? He played one of the best games he'd ever played and still fell down a couple of times! But by Thursday afternoon, he was feeling worse. And with our family doctor totally booked, I took him to the ER. NINE hours later, I brought him home... unsure of what's wrong. At 2pm the following day, he went back to the hospital for a CT scan. Two hours later, I brought him home... still no clue. At 8am the following day, he went back to the hospital to see a neurologist. One hour later, I brought him home...with no news other than the fact that he's on the rush list for an MRI. The wait time is usually 3 months... he should get his within a month's time. Needless to say I've been pretty worried, though Stewart doesn't seem to be. One good thing to come out of all of this: Stewart and I have rehearsed the drive to Monfort so much I could probably drive myself there while in labour! but I won't.

The Churchill Protocol has received a couple of good reviews in Toronto so far, but with our opening night being so late in the festival, momentum hasn't built yet and the show hasn't been getting the audiences it deserves. So if you're in Toronto, or know someone who is, go see the show!!!

With Stewart still being sick and moping about the house, I was determined to still be productive. I'm happy to have all of this time off before the baby gets here, but I still have a million tiny details that I want to finish while I still have the time. One not-so-tiny detail was filling out the forms for the "Centralized Waiting List for Licensed Child Care Services". People had warned me about this from the moment I got pregnant. If you think you might required child care, you're best to submit this form the moment you get pregnant (some do it before!) because the wait time to get a spot in Ottawa is at least 1 year! Plus, there are so many options to consider:
- Francophone, Anglophone or Bilingual
- Home day care or in a day care centre
- Full-time care, part-time care or flexible care
- Choosing a place in your ward, or in the ward where you work, or in a ward near where you would commute to go to work
- Some places are subsidized... some aren't
- Some places will accept children starting at 6 months of age, 12 months, 18 months, 2.5 years, 4 years, etc.
And that's not even looking at the individual day care's philosophies, facilities, mandates, menus, activities, child to caregiver ratio... and the list goes on. I'm supposed to make all of these decisions for my child and she's not even born yet! I can't even figure out what to make myself for dinner... and that's on a good day. Oh, and when you fill the form, you have to put each facility in order of preference, but how do you do that? By closest location, by language? "This place offers vegan meal choices, let's put them at the top of our list!" Anyway, I finally emailed the completed forms out yesterday, just over one month before this child is due to arrive and just over seven months later than I had planned. Let's hope I'm more on-the-ball with the rest of the major decisions involving my child.

What I've done the past two days...

- Acquired an unexpected new billet from the UK, via the US.
- Greeted an expected billet from Vancouver, via Montreal.
- Watched a woman use her breasts in a way that didn't seem to make men comfortable.
- Got hugely entertained by an Asian homosexual and his piano partner.
- Spend two hours in a single venue going on two lovely journeys.
- Fell in love again with a clown.
- Went to bed way too late.
- Ate way too little.
- Spent time with my amazing parents.
- Finished my last theatre gig before my parental contract.
... and now, presently, I am at the computer on the main floor waking up from a 2 hour nap while clown-billet, UK-billet and Vancouver-billet are doing yoga and Tai chi in the living room.

Life is good.

What's Right For Me

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I blogged last. It's incredible how busy you get when you don't have any huge work commitments. Since coming back from Toronto I've seen Scorched, La La La Human Steps, performed a mock-burlesque dance, babysat Charlotte, worked on an exciting script, went to the Doctor (all's normal), went to the Dentist (all's normal), avoided exercising, stained some shelves and brackets, put together some Ikea furniture, scared myself silly over registration forms, sold a load of program ads for a fantastic festival, tidied up my office, networked two computers, washed my car, had dinner with some friends and watched way too much Babylon 5.

I've also started reading this great book called "The Birth That's Right For You". With the labour and delivery being potentially only 100 days away, I'm starting to think about preparing myself for it. Stewart and I aren't keen on the idea of prenatal classes... brings up images of cheesy-grinned couples wearing white sitting cross-legged in a circle and sharing their feelings about birth while intermittently making "hee hee ho ho" sounds... not really our idea of a good, or productive, time. This book I'm reading is right up my alley. Co-written by a doctor and a doula it strives to present moms-to-be and their spouses/partners with the options and not the solutions. It reminds you that birth is a natural experience and that, as a human being who has already dealt with pain/stress/anxiety before, you are already equipped with the coping mechanisms necessary to deal with childbirth. Childbirth "preparation" classes are only helpful if the coping tools you're learning are already linked to your natural defenses. For example, if you had (or still have) fears of drowning, then a water birth may not be right for you... even if your sister's water birth experience was the most nirvana-like experience of her life. Or, if you normally like to lock yourself in a dark quiet room and lie still in bed when you're in pain or anxious, then chances are you won't be the type to find relief bouncing on a birth ball or walking the halls of the hospital. I know, these all sound like "well, d'uh!" ideas to me too, but they make good sense to a woman struggling to find sense in this upcoming huge life-changing event. So many women have unrealistic expectations of what they want the birth to be and how they'll best cope with it... this book is prepping me to be aware of who I am and what I desire without being trapped by unrealistic expectations or even being limited by changes in the "plan".

I've been reading this book like I would a textbook... I may have graduated but you can't take the academics out of the girl. Every time I hit a section that requires more thought, that requires me to truly put my fears and ideas into question, I write the page number in my baby book. So far I haven't even gone back to those sections to give them the necessary thought, but I'm already feeling better about the whole thing. I don't yet know what birth is right for me, but I do know that it can't be any worse than dislocating my knees... right?... and I've done that a ton of times so I can deal with this... right? Positive reinforcement, anyone?

So, shall we run a pool? How many hours into labour will Natalie demand medication?

One of the reasons why Toronto is a beautiful place to visit.

Oscars Schmoscars!

Is it weird of me to not give a flying leap about the overly-glitzy, way-too-long, not-that-entertaining awards show? I mean, sure, I watched 10 minutes of it to help put me to sleep at 11:30... and also out of curiosity to see if Ryan Gosling won for best actor... but not because I saw the movie and admired his performance... but simply out of semi-hometown pride, wondering if someone I'd once met when I was 10 years old won an Oscar and would mention good-old-Cornwall in his speech... yeah right!

Instead I went to Walmart with my hubby, made macaroni and cheese for dinner and watched 6 episodes of Angel on DVD while using acrylic paint and ribbons to decorate foam core boards for our baby's room. I had a major hormonal moment when Stewart wouldn't jump to his feet and make me a grilled cheese sandwich when I asked him. I spontaneously started sobbing in front of the toaster oven five minutes later. He had to, calmly, put me back on the couch with my glass of water and cheesy toast in hand and I, with blood sugar levels returning to normal, finally relaxed again a few minutes later. He didn't get angry with me once, good boy. I believe I even mentionned something ridiculous to the effect of "Well if mommy doesn't eat there won't be a baby will there?" amount the chaos.

I haven't been feeling well at all these past few days. I missed out on seeing two shows that I was looking forward to. Instead, I've been spending all my time doing small chores around the house and then recuperating from the huge loss of energy that occurs after doing said chores. I kinda feel like I'm getting a cold, but the symptoms never come.... so all I'm left with is a constant urge to lie in bed and avoid doing yoga.

Speaking of which, I should probably use my current energy boost to do some of that exercise stuff now. I'm exercising more now that I'm pregnant than when I wasn't. I guess it's supposed to help me deal with the body changes and with the delivery. The problem is I'm just as lazy now that I'm pregnant than when I wasn't!

10 down, 17 more to go!

I was doing so well!

My body must have heard my cries. I got less nauseous. I got more energy. My appetite increased. Suddenly waking up early for a 10 hour work day wasn't even an issue. My creativity was sparked. I felt like I was juggling four different shows not just like a pro, but like an expert. And then, I had a slower day... only 6 hours of meetings and rehearsal. By the time I got home last night I felt like a truck had run me over, multiple times. My back seized up, my nausea came back and I was in bed earlier than most of my friends' small children.

I faced facts. I had today's AM rehearsal for Cloud 9 cancelled. I hated to do it, but my body was also threatening me with a cold and I didn't want to succumb.

So now I've still got 17 days of this craziness to go... with a morning off here, a free afternoon there, but they're few and far between. It's such an exciting time for me. I'm working on four amazing productions with such amazingly talented people... that's what's getting me through. It might sound selfish, but this has nothing to do with the new arrival. No thoughts of "I'm bringing home the bacon for my baby" right now. No. What's getting me through this right now is that I'm doing what I love to do, what I'm good at, and what people seem to appreciate me for. And I know that once I'm a Mom, my duties are going to change. I'm not saying that I'll never do theatre again... far from it. I'm not saying that I'm not going to love motherhood, be good at it and feel appreciated. But it's nice, for now, to remind myself that I'm doing something just for me... and as tired as I am, it still feels good.

Tis the season for making!

I know it's been a while since I've posted... let's just say I've had a lot on my mind.

Firstly, the house warming party was a complete success. We had three waves of people, from around 1pm to 1am. My Martha Stewart-esque behaviour was noted and the only food I had left was any of the pre-packaged stuff. Everything I made myself was devoured. Stewart and I barely ate anything ourselves. It was a great day. Thanks so much to all of you who came. And to all of you who didn't come or who I forgot to invite because I'm an idiot, feel free to give us a call or email anytime and come for a visit.

Secondly, I taught my last class of the semester at Algonquin yesterday. Next week is the student's final presentation, which is an opportunity for them to present their work in front of an audience that's probably not as critical as me! It's been great seeing the students' progression from one week to the next. It has renewed my faith in my ability to teach. I'm not saying I'm making Tony winners here, but I can see a difference in each and every student. I'm really proud of them.

Thirdly, December is my relatively calm month before the January/March storm! Some of my projects I was open about, but some weren't really public knowledge until recently. I have the pleasure of being the director on four different projects in the span of three months. I'll be working on Wajdi Mouawad's John for the Théâtre du Trillium directing lab. I'm helping Théâtre la Catapulte with a reading of a new play for Contact Ontarois. I'll be directing Caryl Churchill's Cloud Nine with a group of lovely Algonquin College students. And, perhaps the scariest of all, I'll be directing Pinter's Betrayal for Third Wall Theatre Co. (James Richardson was originally going to direct it but now has other interests within the project... it's a long story that I'm sure he'll share with you if you ask nicely.) So, wacky times for me. But exciting times.


And the trees are up in my house now... the bigger one is 7.5 feet tall. Needless to say I used a step ladder for most of the process. The smaller one is a tree that I inherited from my Grandfather. It's a little sad looking, but nothing an Ikea candle and hanging light nearby can't fix.

Oh, and last but not least, here's double proof of the other "thing" that I made recently. But none of us will get to see the finished product for nine months or so. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong.

I'm not sure what's happening to me!

In the past week, my favorite and most frequented websites have been:

www.kraftfoods.com

www.allrecipes.com

and... this is the scary one....

WWW.MARTHASTEWART.COM

I'm scared people! I'm not sure what's happening to me. One moment I'm moving into a house and the next I'm training for housewife-of-the-year! The most fun I've had recently was spent by myself in a kitchen, topped only by the time spent at the dinner table with my happily full guests and my husband glowing with pride at my new culinary feats.

You see, I've never considered myself to be a "good cook" but I've always loved cooking. When I was a kid, I would raid Mom's pantry and mix together anything I could find and bake it, hoping it would taste good. (The cookies with the sickeningly sweet almond extract that formed 90% of the batter comes to mind.) When I was in high school, I did particularly well in the sciences... I think it pleased the side of my brain that enjoyed following a recipe, mixing things together and seeing how it came out. But I don't have that outlet anymore because somehow along the way I decided that theatre was more my thing. (What a waste of that A+ science and math concentration I got in high school, huh?) My job is intensely creative, but not always as methodical and concrete as following a recipe and getting your hands dirty in cake batter.

Anyway, all of this to say that now in my new home, the fridge is always full and my husband NEVER cooks for me anymore... I'm probably going to end up gaining 20 pounds for all the extra tasting I'm doing... and I'm probably going to give myself a stress attack because now I've just told you all of this before I host my first big party... great.

Well, at least I can take consolation in the fact that most of my guest are going to be theatre people... they can act like they enjoy my cooking and I won't be the wiser.

The new house - A photo teaser

Our first tree climber! Ray-Ray on moving day.























My cat Puddin, trying to get accustomed to the upstairs.... she's still terrified of any noise the house makes.




































If there were any doubts that we bought the right sized chair, Stewart dispelled them on the first morning in the new place.



















My Daddy in front of the fireplace, and the hockey game.


















The living room, on the first day of the move, still looks pretty darn appealing don't ya think? It's amazing what a couple of candles can do.

A strange feeling

I want to cry...

Alone, in my new house.

With the fireplace burning.

With the fancy curtains up.

With my Mother's decorating touches all around.

With my Father's handiwork standing strong.


I want to cry...

Alone, my parents just out the door.

With my husband away at work.

With so many piles of unfinished business.

With my hunger and my fatigue.

With my possibilities.


I want to cry.
But I won't.
I'll take a bath instead.

So is this my quarter-life crisis?

Well happy birthday to me! I turned 27 years old on October the 14th. I hadn't planned on celebrating the "event". Heck, I even scheduled myself to work. But, as it turns out, I couldn't help myself and still ended up calling a few friends out for a drink. This quiet drink plan turned into dancing with cougars at the Velvet Room, but I digress.

It was only a few weeks ago that I heard the term "quarter-life crisis" for the first time. This was also followed by someone telling me "and what you're feeling is completely normal." Uh-huh.

Anywho, according to Wikipedia (who doesn't love the internet!), "The quarter-life crisis is a term, coined in 2001 by Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins, authors of Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties, and is applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the ages of 21 - 29. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis."

Some of you, who could be in the same boat as me, might be interested in the following:

"Characteristics of this crisis are:

* feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at his/her academic/intellectual level
* frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or carreer
* confusion of identity
* insecurity regarding the near future
* insecurity regarding present accomplishments
* re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
* disappointment with one's job
* nostalgia for university or college life
* tendency to hold stronger opinions
* boredom with social interactions
* financially-rooted stress
* loneliness
* desire to have children
* utter lack of goals and constant whining"

Um, aren't these characteristics of adult life in general?
These are starting to sound like horoscope predictions... just vague enough and just precise enough to fit the bill for everyone!
And sure these look great on paper (or screen!) but what the hell am I supposed to do about them?

I do have a strong desire to have children soon...
And I am seemingly more and more pigheaded and opinionated...
And I do have certain frustrations with my career...
But, wait, I definetely do not have an utter lack of goals...
Oh, but I have been constantly whining.

Whatever!
I've been a whinger all my life... why should I expect that to change now?

And what am I complaining about... Stewart's going to turn 30 on October 30th. He's probably going to do enough complaining for the two of us.

Things I know.

- Getting a migraine while driving home on the highway, at night, on a holiday Monday, with a steady line of headlights coming towards you, SUCKS.

- Free internet while (temporarily) staying at your parents' place - GREAT.

- Dial-up internet - SUCKS.

- Directing a show - GREAT.

- Not having time to write blogs about said show - SUCKS.

- Writing a pathetically-short blog while fighting a migraine... well, you know.

(Sad excuse for a post, I know. They'll get better again soon... I promise.)